Episode Title: The Late For Changeover Show 21 Aug 2024
Date: Aug 20, 2024
I can’t get to work because my car is on bricks. It’s time for the show, which is excuse number 15 for being late for changeover, your weekly space news and variety show. I’m your host and I’m joined by Mr. History Eric Perot, our man in the closet, Cakewall.
Those streets of Aurora will sneak up on you. That’s a good show. Are Miss West Texas on a Mondragon? That’s my armadillo.
See? We’re here to bring you the latest headlines and updates pertinent to all guardians and to the other earthbound branches as well. So take a seat, get informed and have a laugh as we present late for changeover. Good to see you all.
Good to see y’all. Y’all. Y’all from Texas? I might as well be.
Yeah, really, right? I suppose we will spend our time in Texas. But Eric and I, well, me more than Eric, are a survivor of the Pikes Peak air show on Saturday. Oh my goodness.
Hell yeah. I’m a survivor. I’m a veteran.
I’m a veteran of that. We’re not aware you’re going into a war zone. No.
Holy shit. That was it was that it was just hot. And no breeze.
And behind us, there was a there was an old man who passed out and he went into a seizure and we were like, God, why is it taking paramedics so long to get here? These bunch of monkeys. And then as we’re driving home, this article popped up and it was like, oh, they got 60 heat casualties. Oh, they have a hundred casualties.
Yeah. So that’s man. That’s this headline right here.
So I think that old man had better moves in the Aussie breakdancer. Well, he did. He did squirm on the on the tarmac a little bit more.
And that’s tough. But from KKTV .com, no deaths were reported as firefighters respond to heat related mass incident at Pike’s Peak Regional Air Show. Colorado Springs Fire Department responded to a heat.
Yeah, I just read that. They initially said more than 40 to 50 people were treated for heat related illnesses and at least 10 people had been taken to local hospitals. As the event went on, the fire department updated those numbers telling 11 news at least 100 people were treated in total.
Man, you know, there’s something about self-awareness and preparedness to do what you’re planning to do. I don’t get that. Yeah, I hear you.
It was it was hot. I mean, we never really felt like we were falling out. And it’s a long walk too.
So maybe that all combined with it. But I think when you talk about walking from the parking, it was a pretty long walk. Where was the parking at? We parked here north of Grumman.
Yeah, it was all in the grass. And then they routed it. You had to walk around a pretty long way.
But they didn’t have transportation like a bus. They did for certain people. But one of the handicap stuff was there.
But not the empty. There was no shuttle. Yeah.
She told me this is for wheelchairs. And I was like, no, no one leggers. And they’re like, no wheelchairs.
That’s a hell of a thing, man. Well, my nubs sweaty. You know what? You know what else? Limpy.
The obesity piece of this thing. Yeah. Well, there was that too.
Yeah, that doesn’t help. I mean, I saw a guy walk up from the gate. Eric’s implying they were sizzled when one of them fell to the ground.
To the tarmac. He said, that was a hell of a hill to walk up. And I went.
It’s not a hill. It was a slight incline of anything, man. You know, it was.
Right there. Surprisingly, there were a lot of overweight people. There were a lot of old people.
Yeah. So I’m not sure what the prep was for them. They didn’t bring umbrellas.
Yeah. Everybody had umbrellas, but it was just, yeah, I brought those too. But it was just, you were baking in the bottom of a pan on that.
We brought, we brought washcloths that we kept soaking. Everybody would put them on heads, stuff like that. Right.
But literally from Saturday to Sunday was much better. We had over, you know, overcast. It was nice.
Slight cloud cover. It wasn’t bad at all. But let me tell you that I’ve seen the Thunderbirds before.
The Blue Angels were great. But it wasn’t quite as action packed as I thought it was going to be. You know, it’s kind of, they did one maneuver and then you’d be like, hmm.
Oh, they’re way back over there. And they come back and it was like, whoa. It was a waiting period, man.
Kind of a, kind of a wait. But yeah. It was super cool to watch it.
It was like, I can’t see him. I can’t see him. And then you wait for everybody’s head to turn.
Um, the, uh, and, and the World War II planes were a bit of a disappointment. And I think maybe because, yeah, because all there was that flyover with the World War II plane and the Hornets. Yes.
That was it. But that was it. The World War II guys didn’t do any maneuvers.
They just kind of blew by. They’re barely sticking around up there. The P-38 was with the Hornet.
It was a little bit subsequent. It was more impressive to watch those F-18s have to throttle as far back as they could. That’s what I was thinking, honestly.
They were like, the whole air show was flying around my house for the last four days, right? Oh, right. Right. But watching those guys, those Hornets were, they had them in close to stalling.
Like, oh my. That’s what I thought too. I thought I thought.
The Blue Angels were great. But I tell you, I thought the F-22 stole the show, man. Yes.
The things that it was doing were unbelievable. That is one badass airplane. And, you know, if you watch that Top Gun Maverick and they do that crazy move at the end, you know, the fifth gen fighter or whatever, and he’s like, what the hell is that? That F-22 almost did that same thing.
And I was like, that was amazing to see. That is a badass airplane, man. So the F-22 was blowing everybody away.
And then they brought up just two random F-18s, you know, gray painted and all that stuff. And I was like, these guys must think, oh, we’ve got to get the crowd back on our side because they buzzed us like three or four times, you know? And they would do the one where the guy would go across and everybody’s like, oh, and then this guy would come from behind and you weren’t expecting it. And I was like, all right, guys.
You got your egos, go. How do you coordinate such air behavior? Well, I put the Blue Angels pilots in the same category as the Turkish football team because that’s all those guys do for a year. So they better be damned.
Yeah. They’re not doing duties. They’re just flying.
But the big picture, like those ground control guys, right, having the coordinate. Right. Right.
Like air traffic control at that time, they were like, just land and fuel whenever you’re done. Whatever. Yeah.
I mean, they shut down powers. They shut down all the ground. I know.
So you’re, you’re, they’re in control of their airplane. So I do give the Blue Angels credit. They did that one cool one where they were all coming up and then they all went in six different directions.
They flew way out and then they all crossed center at the same time. That was towards the edge. That was pretty awesome.
That was pretty neat. That was pretty neat. I have to admit, I didn’t watch any of it.
I did not. That’s why I’ve been so quiet. Wow.
That’s okay. I, you know, that was, that was hot. I didn’t go to the actual event.
I saw enough of these. Yeah. You can see enough.
Right. Some of the static displays are pretty cool that World War II, the vehicles and some of the weapons. Yeah.
Oh, right out there. Yeah. So it was pretty neat.
It was, they had like 33 food vendors. So you have plenty. But I, every vendor line was like standing in line for.
Oh yeah. They sell out. They sold out a water for us.
Well, the, where do all the profits go? Oh, I dunno. That’s a good point. Isn’t it the individual food trucks? Uh, well yeah, they were like carney, carney place, you know, like funnel cake or, you know, that kind of shit.
So are you talking about the entry ticket? I don’t know where that goes. Yeah. I was thinking the whole event.
Cause somebody had to host it. Now here’s the thing that annoyed me. And the average gets a percentage of something.
Well, not the pilots. I mean, they’re not going to, you know, I think a lot of it goes to the World War II vintage. Yeah.
Remember while our way back when in the eighties, they used to have the Confederate air force. I know that was big down in Texas. It was just a bunch of millionaires who had restored a bunch of World War II planes.
And they were always flying in movies and stuff like that, but they were called the Confederate air force. the, but here’s what annoyed me about the blue angels. They go and spend 20 minutes on fat Albert.
They’re C one 30. And I was like, here comes fat Albert on a high speed pass. And you’re like, I flew that all the way to Germany is terrible.
They were very proud of fat Albert. So I was like, come on, you guys stop time filling. Let’s get to it.
Speaking of, let’s get to it. Let’s show a couple of Facebook posts that I ran across this week. Now this, this, this first one, oh, my voice cracked there.
This first one, I’m curious. And most of us, well, Jake and I at least, and for a period of time on it, and probably you two at certain places, Eric, you know, you couldn’t bring your phone. Even if you had a phone, you couldn’t bring it in.
Right. You’re in a scale for something like that. That’s probably a good thing because now they got phones and every military workspace.
It seems like. And here’s one of us. So here’s what, here’s your opinion.
What’s your opinion on this one? They in a life of a load master. Come on, man. We have gone overboard, man.
Do you think? Do you think this is sponsored by the Air Force? It looks fantastic. No, it was. Well, they’ve got the logo on it.
She’s doing the job with this. She’s filming. This is a great recruiting tool.
That’s what I think. That’s exactly. I think it’s honestly sponsored by the Air Force.
And she’s given a little TikTok piece thing over and over again. And she happens to be a cracker. So that doesn’t hurt.
What? Eric, she’s an enlisted member in the Air Force. A cracker for me. See this.
Crazy. Eric, what would you have done if we’d have put a camera or a phone in your hands when you were 27 years old? I wouldn’t have done that. Oh, come on.
Nothing that productive, actually. Because that just convinced a dozen kids to freakin’ join, honestly. Probably a female.
Yeah, they’re like, hey, look, she’s living a life overseas. If I would have seen that when I was younger, not doing anything, I’m like, oh, man, you could do all that and travel. Yeah, maybe I’ll meet her.
They must all look like her. Maybe. Every one of the Air Force does.
And if their recruiters were smart, they’re like, oh, yeah, it’s like the Fox squadron over there, man. If you want to get into that, we can get you into that. And they’re like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And they go, hey, we’re all working on that. So I’m hoping to be the cop. There you go.
That’s the only thing I should have spotted more. Excellent recruiting tool. This next one, I have never heard of this, but, you know, apparently among pilots is obviously they know about it.
So do you know what the Air Force drop night is? Have you ever heard of the drop night for pilots? So I guess it’s when they complete pilot school and they all get together and they tell them what plane they’re going to be on. But it’s turned into this and they got family there. It’s almost like a baby reveal, kind of.
But I thought it was pretty entertaining. I thought I like how you say baby reveal instead of a draft, like NFL draft or something. You’re like baby reveal.
No, it’s like a baby. OK, because they’re the rest of your life. They’re all ecstatic about every airframe.
So you’re a C1. Let’s watch the. Well, let me turn this down first.
Let’s watch the USAF drop. It’s going to be fun. Oh, you got your A10, Jake.
F35. Look at him. He’s excited about that heavy.
And he want to be a heavy. He’s going to be a heavy. Weather A10, Jake.
That’s what I’m talking about. I got the 22. Fighting Falcon.
F16. You think you got to select okay, do you want to be a fighter or do you want to be a heavy? I think they put choices. Yes.
Yeah, I think they put choices in. I think they probably rank order, you know, one to think they know they have an idea of yeah, I’m not making I’m not making an F. I’m more of a C kind of guy. C-130, C-5.
If I’m lucky, I’ll get an A in the middle. The aggression of an F, the slow speed of a C. But if you know, there’s just like, okay, I’m not going to get my hopes up. You know, what’s he going to do? Yeah, put all F’s up there.
Wouldn’t you love to see the one guy that went, oh, fuck, really? I got to use that? Well, they may have cut those guys out. But there’s so much pressure to be happy, right? Or maybe that was just the five, six guys who were happy. Everybody else was like, motherfucker.
So, quick question. How do the other branches decide who’s a pilot or not? I don’t know. I don’t know.
We should have asked the general when he was on it. I mean, how do you get chosen for Huey’s or attack or maybe it’s similar. I guess it’s similar.
I wouldn’t mind finding one of the, what is it? The green jollies. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
That would have been fun. A little small frame. I actually would like to fly an Osprey, man.
That Marine Corps frickin’ bird. That thing goes down three out of 10 times. Yeah, a little more.
Not in the early days. You’re a cannon. You’re a cannon.
In the early days it did. But now they fixed all the bugs. That’s what bitches fly.
Yeah, we’re good. Yeah, we’re good. I think that’s cool.
It is a really cool thing to see flying now. Yeah, right, right. Those Ospreys are cool looking.
I wonder if the drone guys. Is there a drone school? There’s gotta be. Yeah.
Oh, it’s down in there. Oh, yeah, it’s the Air Force. It’s in here? In that creek? Oh, well, that’s what they fly them from.
But they train them out here. Oh, they do. Yeah, there’s a portion of their training down south.
Pueblo. Yeah, by… Yeah. Oh, shut.
Well, nothing down by Pueblo. They’re crashing, I suppose. There’s mustard gas down there, though.
I think it’s just the guys. Down by Pueblo. So.
So, I thought you guys would enjoy that little foray into Facebook. But now, let’s get to some real news. Now, the real news.
Now, we know the Air Force is not the warrior service that the leadership always wants us to think it is. Oh, man, that just hurt. I didn’t defend the Air Force because they’re an easy target.
You know? They’re not as big a target as Space Force, but, you know. But when they publish a story like this next one, it’s difficult to keep from laughing and be a little bit embarrassed, to be honest with you. So, this one, this story is from Stars and Stripes.
And, Air Force basic trainees are now required to carry the rifle for the first time in years. Years? What’s going on with that? I’m a little embarrassed. You’re right.
Yeah, right? I mean, it seems odd that they would do this story. But, since the end of July, Airmen and Guardian trainees have been carrying inner M4 rifles, marked with distinctive red flash suppressors, just like the kids’ toys, as part of their daily regimen, a practice that stopped in 2012, according to officials with the 37th training wing. Did you guys carry rifles in base? I think I did.
I kind of remember something. Like everywhere with your rifle? During Warrior Week or something? Well, yeah, sure. Warrior Week, right? But they’re saying they carry them all the time.
So, I never heard of that. I think you remember. Trainees receive the weapons following an initial familiarization course during the first week of training.
From the moment they are issued their Air Force, the weapons are by their sides nearly every step of the way through the remaining seven weeks of basic training. No, it didn’t happen with us. Yeah.
All the while, instructors apply their own brand of mentorship to guide the trainees to, quote, develop a sense of ownership for their weapon. Well, I know it’s inert. They’re going to bang it around, not like a real weapon anyway, you know? Were they marching with them? I guess they marched with them as well.
When they graduate basic, how many of them do you think that’s probably one of the last times they’ll ever touch that weapon? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Three quarters off. Yeah, three quarters of them.
Yeah. After I went space, I think I shot twice. There was a time I wanted to have a UTA where we would go to the range because I wanted to invigorate everybody.
Let’s go out to the range as a year. And they’re like, oh, that’s a great idea. But we have no ammo.
And I was like, oh, I tried to go over to security forces and they’re like, we barely got enough to do our qualification. So that idea went up in smoke because nobody ever has any ammo. Yeah.
Now, some units did back in the day. I mean, we had enough that when we did, you know, the emergency service training. Yeah.
Back in Reagan days. Yeah, you had ammo for days back there. Right.
Because we shot a lot. Well, it’s a whole different career field, too, though. Right.
Right. Previously, Air Force trainees used a modified version M16A2. In 2019, the service made the switch to train incoming service members on the more current M4 to align with equipment in the active Air Force arsenal.
The reintroduction of the trainer weapon is part of a long running effort to better prepare airmen and guardians for future potential conflicts with powerful adversaries. So you better know how to carry your inner weapon. You were crazy as a personnelist.
We had to qualify every year. Every year? That is impressive. Maybe it was maybe every two years, but it seemed like every year.
That’s because we recruited them as frickin’ reservists of auguties. All the time. That’s right.
All the L.O. taskings. They’re like, yeah. I have a story! I have a story! Go, baby.
E3 in Germany, in Stuttgart, Germany. So Stuttgart, Germany, patch barracks was an open base until the African bomb, embassy bombings happened. And we had to close it all down, right? Yeah.
So most of the personnelists that I knew had joined what is called force protection. So force protection allowed you once a year to get away from work and you could shoot, like, we went paint gunning, you know, we had a great, like, fun until the African embassy bombs. So we had to put full Kavalar on, and our shifts were 12 hours because they didn’t have enough military police to make sure that the post was secure.
And that’s Headquarters Yukon there. So at that point, so they had all of these augmentees, which I was included with the helmet, you know, the full-body flask. For 12 hours.
And I was… I don’t have anything. I’m sorry for duty. Because they didn’t have a helmet that fit my tiny head.
This is fucked. That was true. That was crap.
So you’re hitting with the mirror trying to look for… I know, you’re looking up like… Every time you tip your head down, the whole helmet goes… It was so terrible. It was so tiring. Oh, your neck wouldn’t be sore those first couple of days.
You’re like… Yeah, right, right. And it’s so bad. And you can ride the helmet with like… So I put a stocking cap to make my head a little bit.
That’s smart. And like, we were trying to, you know, they have those fastenings, the buttons that you could try to… Yeah, inside you could try to tighten it, yeah. Yeah, it takes my head.
Anyways, finally, the very last time that I ever pulled shift. And this is why I never pulled shift again. So they put me on the back gate, like behind… Like, I can’t explain it, but it’s in the back gate.
And it’s a dirt road. And there’s only one entrance. You can only come on.
There’s no… Of course, if there was like a mass exodus, then of course you could go out. Most times, vehicles were coming in. And so the MP, I think he was an E4, he thought, anyways, he says, hey, the admiral’s coming on base.
And I was like, cool. Like, I didn’t know what that meant. And this is in dead winter.
So he kept going back to the car to warm up. And me, I wasn’t allowed to go to the car and warm up because I was an augmentee. An augmentee.
Thank you. Yes. So I’m standing there.
And here comes this unmarked Black Mercedes. And this vehicle is like flashing light, like off and on, like all the lights. No flags or nothing on the car? Well, because it had to be unmarked because he’s a dark face.
So there was nothing on his vehicle. And so they didn’t give the augmentees. I’m pretty sure by then, by now, the augmentees ammo.
But I did not have ammo. And I’m so appreciative of that. Because I didn’t know what to do.
And I had my M16. I was like, whoa, whoa, what am I doing? The helmet’s falling probably. And I’m like, oh, my gosh.
Magazines, magazines falling everywhere. That’s quite the picture there. No, no.
I thought for sure somebody was trying to infiltrate Stuttgart, Patch Bear. And the car just flies by. And you’re like, whoa.
I’m like, oh, my God. I wasn’t brave enough to throw my body in front of the freaking car. And the guy comes out.
And he yells at me. He’s like, what are you doing? Yada, yada, yada. And he was like, did you at least salute the admiral? And I was like, yeah.
Oh, my goodness. Get back in the car. Get back in the car.
So he made me sit in there for like five hours off by myself. I just sat in there like. But it was warm.
Pretty sure I’m in trouble. Whoops. At least it was warm.
Because you didn’t shoot the admiral. That is such a good story. The admiral’s probably telling his drivers like, I don’t know who this dancing idiot is up here, but just avoid her if you can.
Seriously, they gave us no training. Oh, my God. Potentially, there is a marked car that flashes lights.
That is the admiral. Salute the freaking car. They didn’t say anything.
Yeah, they could have said that. They gave us a bolo listing. They just said, hey, the admiral’s coming.
I was like, cool. Like, OK. And they probably are telling that same story about this crazy airman that they got assigned.
What an idiot. Stupid, stupid idiot. 100%.
Oh, Jake. Jake. That was a great one.
That was terrible. That was a good story. I was really scared.
You know, I actually thought that the Vietnam Air helmet fit better than the Kevlar did. The steel pot. I had that when I first came in and had the Kevlar.
Well, it was kind of better balanced because I trained with that stuff too. But the Kevlar’s like back-heavy. Yes.
Because it’s a little bit longer in the back. And it didn’t fit with the shit with a flag vest because it was always hidden. Oh, really? You got that neck piece right here.
Yeah, the collar. Yeah, because you had collars, right? On the flag vest. Yeah, and then the helmet sat below.
Well, my helmet. So, like, I’m on space balls. I was like, what is it called? It’s so big.
The chin strap didn’t even fit right. I’m like that kid from Fat Albert. The eyes for the stocking mask.
Hey, now. Well, shoot, I had a bit at the end of this story about Jake’s gun, so he’s going to miss it. Well, anyway, in addition to them issuing weapons out to try to get them used to, you know, war fighting, they also issued these.
So, you could get used to being Dniff or, I mean, on profile for a week at a time. Because they will be, inevitably, once they play soccer for PT, everyone will hurt their foot and they’ll have to walk around in the walking. So, we’re just trying to get them used to it.
Never had to put one of those on. They actually issued that? No, I made that up. Oh, God.
That’s what I’m saying. It was a joke that fell flat. I am so far out of this.
Because it wouldn’t have surprised me. What was the thing with your arches that everybody complained about? What do they call them? Something with… Plantar fasciitis. Yeah, plantar fasciitis.
So, everybody in base training walk around boot like that. Yeah, once or twice. I’m like, come on, man.
I do see more pictures on Facebook where, and these are the cynical ones, but they’ll take like a graduation from the NCO Academy and everybody’s in uniform and one soldier’s like, they’re in their class A’s with tennis shoes. And he’s just like, how did they even go to like NCOA? Wow. You know what I mean? Why? But, you know, standards are not what they used to be.
So, they’re new standards. So, they’re different standards. That’s why you get to carry a gun.
Maybe. You don’t have the right choice. All you have to do is have a really great day.
When you guys were in, do you ever have problems sleeping? Yes. Did you really? I could fall asleep. In fact, it was several years once I got out of the Army and even the Air Force was a little bit, but I could fall asleep fast just because they would give you two or three hours to fall asleep, you know, and you better like, you better take advantage of that.
Welcome back, closet man. Sorry, man. That’s all right.
You missed my joke that fell flat. So, when you rewatch this, you’ll be like, I’m glad I wasn’t there for that one. I had a good one for that one.
It wasn’t terrible. You thought it was real. That’s why it wasn’t funny because I thought the damn thing was real.
I’m going to redo it for Jake. Let’s see his reaction. So, in addition to them issuing weapons to prepare them for the real Air Force, they’re also issuing them these so they can practice walking around for a week at a time in a walking booth.
That’s because he’s not wearing restrictions. Because all they got to do is play soccer once in PT and you’re going to have fun people walking around like that. Ultimate frisbee, soccer.
See, Eric, it was funny. Thank you, Jake. Come on, Jake.
Help me out here, man. Was that funny? No, you’re right. You’re right.
You’re right. All right. You haven’t read her.
I’m going to be as gracious as I wish Marty were to us. That’s what I’m going to be. There we go.
Nope. Marty would be like, nope. That was trash.
Did they really issue that shit? He goes, no, Eric. It’s a fucking joke. Thanks first.
It landed flat. And then Eric body slammed it five feet. Because he’s wearing generic Walmart Converse.
Well, I couldn’t find it. I looked for a military picture of it. So I couldn’t find it.
So I should have just went to Buckley and stepped by the gate and watched all the boot people watch. Now go to the visitor center. That’s where the cops put them all.
Yeah. Let’s go to the visitor center. That’s never encountered any military base that goes to an air force visitor center is going to think all of us have broken arms or broken legs.
Yeah. What are they doing to these people, man? Jeez, man. Yeah.
If you can get them out from the back with the loud music and whatever the hell else the hell else they’re doing back there. So that’s the only reason they do it is because they won’t let you put their ass on that rocket move from there to there. And I want it painted red over there, blue over there and then red again over there.
You know, I heard an old army story that they were in Germany and it was sort of spring. So the snow, you know, was crusty snow and was dirty because I’ve been there for so long. So supposedly some commander had his troops go out and paint the front of the orderly area, paint the snow white.
Have you heard this story? Because it sounds like one of those ones that’s made up and it goes through everywhere. And of course, the VIP showed up and it was sunny and then it melted and it was just nothing but white paint running around. See, I think that’s a fakie story because that sounds like one that’s just run forever.
I’ll give you a real one, a real training type of one. When I was weapons, we would be going from plane to plane to plane and you rarely got a vehicle. Normally you just walk.
So the one time you had a vehicle and if you had a seat belt, you had to put it on. Of course. So I got caught by QA basically, quality assurance, without the seat belt on in the vehicle.
Oh my God. We were in Kuwait. Now you’re forced to walk.
We were in Kuwait and my crew chief, Sergeant Jenkins, he retired as a chief actually, but he made me get in the vehicle. Buckle up. Get out of the vehicle.
Get in the vehicle. That’s my kind of guy there, man. Buckle up.
I honestly don’t. It was at least 50 times. You’re going to get it.
That’s for sure. You’ll do it. I held you in the vehicle.
Close the door. Oh my God. Unbuckle.
Get out. It’s like writing. I will not slap the guy next to you.
Right. Right. I learned my lesson.
To this day. Thanks Sergeant Jenkins. Sergeant Jenkins.
My kind of guy. Yep. That’s good.
That’s, that’s, that’s, oh, it’s so shitty to do. And he just stood there and like, again, like that. He walked away.
He said, give me 50. And he walked away. Whoa.
And then, and then the rest of the load crews are out there. Public shame, public shame. Humility.
As you’re by yourself. Get back to work. Your face turned red.
Oh man. Yeah. That’s pretty good.
That’s pretty good. That’s my kind of supervisor right there. It was good.
It taught me a lesson. Yeah. Jake, did you ever have any problems falling asleep when you were in? Like when it’s time to sleep, you know, did you ever have any problems? Did you really? Well, I never had any.
We were on that freaking two, two and two schedule. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. But when your weapons, did you ever? I don’t know. We were walking so much and then, but I was in Alaska also.
So it was daytime all the time or nighttime. That’s crazy. My sleep schedule has always been messed up.
It’s the guys that put the aluminum blackout over their windows. So they do. Looks like a crack house.
You go to the dorms in Alaska, the whole thing looks like all covered. Paper machine projects and flags. Military members might be in for a better sleep.
Thanks to army researchers coming up. So yeah, it’s interesting. I was trying to find a picture of it, but army researchers find, and this is from task and purpose.
Army researchers find electric pulses, help soldiers get better, quicker sleep. So it will, let me, I shouldn’t have put that on there. When I first saw that, I thought the electric pulses were coming from the ground because the picture is the guy laying on like dirt.
That’s true. The picture is very misleading. It just shows the guy laying down.
No, they’re talking about a headband. They’re talking about developing like a head gear headband. To produce what they say are slow waves.
So there are all these researchers to say it’s not REM sleep. It’s the slow waves. These electrical impulses that they got on this headband produces slow waves, which improves the brain’s performance.
So they did this big like memory test with with all these individuals and they gave him something before they fell asleep. Some had the headband, some didn’t. And the ones that had the headband could remember it and were better active brain wise when they woke up.
What happened to Ambien? Yeah, that’s crazy though. I’ll just loan out my CPAP. Does the same thing.
I mean, Ambien is great. Sleep’s always been a problem in the military though. Yeah, absolutely.
They’re giving out Ambien, they’re giving out to certain career fields, uppers, you know. Sure, sure. Nazis were all met out to do the blitzkrieg.
Yeah, they were all joined up. The army had something where they had to give you like four hours, you know, to get some sleep. And then I come into the Air Force and they’re like, whoa.
12 to get eight or whatever it was, 10 to get eight hours. I made the right decision. I made the right decision.
I felt like that guy, you know, in the pool was like, join the Air Force. I was like, yeah, this was a good choice. This was a really good choice.
Rip on us for carrying rubber ducks in basic training. But we’re getting our sleep, buddy. We’re getting our sleep.
At some point, I had night terrors. So I was going through my master’s program and I was in missile warning on show. Well, that’s why you had it going through your mind.
I know. So I was like really stressed out and like a few times like I tried to get like out and I was just like, well, I’m not like trying to get out of bed. Wow.
I would get mad. I’d be like, get off of me. What are you trying to do? None of that.
I’m trying to sleep. Not that bad. Yeah, sure.
It wasn’t that bad. Okay. Good night.
What’s her problem? Marty, you never heard like Brenda in your sleep. Oh, when I went out to Vanneberg and was trying to learn that stuff. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. I had I had big nightmares. I was like, oh, I released it and I shouldn’t have released it.
I was late releasing it. Oh, yeah. It was bad.
I did. Yeah. For missile warning that missile alert missile alert.
Yeah. And then you’re practicing so much and you’re learning so much initially. You start moving.
Yeah, exactly. You’re like, have you watched? Have you actually watched my finished product of the podcast? Yeah. I mean, from the beginning part where Brenda says special events alert.
That’s right. I don’t know how I got that file, but that’s why I stuck it on there. That’s Brenda.
You hear that 50 times in an hour over the course of eight hours. You’re just like, oh, yeah. Yes.
You look at it and you’re like. False. And then I’m like, oh, shit.
Who turned the speaker off? So this poor kid, he had been like, he had been like 19, maybe 20. He’s like. It was so fun.
It was so like, because he was trying to think everything through. Yeah. And he’s just like, like, this is for reals.
This is for reals. Wow. His mind was trying to like process everything very quickly.
And so he hesitated because he wanted to make sure. Oh, but his, the other part was like, hurry up. So like slow motion, but loud.
It was so funny. His brain and voice were catching up to each other fairly. That’s fairly haunting.
Actually. After that, cause I like got hurt, like I got like stood up really quick or whatever. After that, they started doing that to me.
Cause I think maybe I reacted like. Well, they have it, Eric, where, you know, there’s a whole script. So if you see something building, you know, you’re expanding it in a certain country.
But what really happened is like, holy shit. Everybody would say it. I’m like, God damn it.
So the script would come. Anybody else see this? Anyway, getting to close this story out. There’s a company called Teledyne.
That’s working with DARPA to try to get these bands out to at least army for right now. See if that’ll improve their sleep. Oh, and, uh, if it works, they’re also going to market them on this thing.
And they just study on them where the kids had to stay up for 48 hours. 48 hours, man. That sucks without crack cocaine.
Yeah. Oh, you used its full name. Oh, not just crack without crack without the crack cocaine.
She used the medical term. Can you believe it? 48 hours. Like, that sounds ridiculous.
Yeah. That’s a long time. I’m pushing 12.
I need a nap. It’s been a long day. Well, let’s end this long day with, uh, well, some thought, a thought provoking articles.
So last week we talked about general Whiting and how he mentioned space fires kind of for the first time. Because it’s going to have to space. Yeah, we’re going to have to.
We’re going to have to do it. And up until then, it was kind of taboo. Right.
Don’t talk about weaponization of space. General Whiting said effort. We got to talk about weaponization of space.
So along those lines, there, this is another topic that we should probably address now before we really start populating space. Right. Literally.
So, well, well, well, well, so this article is from, uh, I, I don’t know how I stumbled upon this website, but it’s called, you know, lad, you know, lad.com. All right. You got it. Expert breaks down experts, break down the possibility of astronauts having sex in space.
So it’s a real problem. We might as well start addressing it now. Right.
So with so many unanswered questions about how, oh, I should show you the, uh, yes, you should. This is the picture that came with it. Right.
This is a picture that came with it. So that’s definitely safe sex right there. So that does not look like it’s sexual.
Well, but it’s going to happen. Right. It’s going to be up there.
They’re going to be bored. They’re going to finish all their experiments. And I’ll be like, what do you want to do? I mean, uh, well, yeah, exactly.
In 1980 second base, they’re going to get in that Rover, right? They’re going to recline the seats. Somebody’s going to do it. Somebody’s going to be the first person to have sex in space.
Who’s that going to be? I’m sure they’ve had sex on a high. They said that hasn’t happened yet. Well, they say it hasn’t happened yet.
Uh, with so many unanswered questions about how sex in space would work, experts have had the way in to provide all the information we’ll meet. Firstly, the logistics would be hard to navigate, especially when it comes to, hard to navigate. You got me, Eric.
I got you. Oh yeah. Especially when it comes to thrusting without gravity.
So John Millis, a physicist and astronomer said that sex in space will be like having sex while skydiving. Even though it’s hard, it’s not impossible. He said surrounding the issues surrounding the act all revolve, revolve around the free fall.
I wonder what John’s business card says. He’s an expert in that’s when you got to put it over. He’s like, oh, he’s a, he’s a space sex therapist.
Yeah. Oh my God. What’s that piece that Eric has? It’s only fans.
Only fans? There’s going to be an only space fans. Yeah. Well, we should take, uh, I can subscribe if you want Eric to reenact any of these acts.
That’s right. On his owner fans. What is the, uh, what’s the indoor skydiving business, you know, where you can go indoor skydiving.
Yeah. We can set you up with that Eric. Uh, we can film that for your only fans.
And see how being suspended. You know what? The problem with that is finding a woman who wants to do that with a 61 year old fart. I would honestly think the, the more important thing would be men of a certain age, gravity affects us.
And then the wind on the OSB’s might set you off on the scale. There’s a part in there to address that. That’s right.
You guys hurt my feelings, man. Well, there’s that too. It addresses that you’re jumping ahead.
Uh, he said, John Miller said the issues surrounding the act all revolve around the free fall microgravity environment experienced by astronauts. Imagine engaging in sexual activity while skydiving. Every push or thrust will, will rep, will propel you in opposite directions.
Sound like Biden ever saying even the light is not the walls, man. Even the lightest touch can make it difficult to stay in contact. If both persons are not properly anchored.
Yeah. The astronauts would need to brace themselves against the space station and even each other. Okay.
Here’s the part. Getting an erection could prove tricky too. As he explained that blood rises to your head instead of your genitals in microgravity environments.
That could be a problem. Because the area causes low blood pressure. You’re literally just going to get a headache.
You’re like, Hey, you’re all supposed to be down there, buddy. I am never going to space. No, come up like this because the area causes low blood pressure.
It can actually cause a penis to shrivel up and testosterone to decrease. Oh no. We are breaking ground on this podcast.
Space babies. I cannot believe this is true. That’s why we got to address the issue now.
What happens to the morning boner fairy? Nope. What are you freaking? Your temples are doing this. The freaking vein.
Got the morning migraine, do you? Good morning, Barry. How many dildos are in space right now? You don’t want to get caught with this. You just throw it out the window or something.
Yeah. Just throw it into the Boeing craft. That’s not going anywhere.
It’s just trash in there now anyway. Damn it, Sunny. Now I have to log that.
Barry, I saw your head throbbing this morning. And Houston can see all of this. Oh my God.
We have a rather large chunk of debris. This scientist also said the gravity issue would also cause a mess as you’d have fluids flying all over the place. He said that in this article.
Literally painting the walls. Now this is a good one. NASA technician Harry Stein wrote in his book that it would be easier when a third person assisted by holding one of the others in place.
Yeah. That’s always inviting you over for a freaking lainey barbecue. I’m just spotting.
That’s all. I’m not going to be involved. I’m just holding you down.
I got you today if you’ll get me tomorrow. John Millis once told Glamour magazine that a special contraption could be invented to help saying, quote, that could be like a jungle gym type apparatus that allows people to position themselves appropriately to a strap system that holds them together or clothing that accomplishes the same thing. It doesn’t sound weird.
Do you think these scientists are like, if there’s a stigma against this specialty, the other rocket scientists are like, this is a fucking perv scientist. I was talking about strapping shit in his face. The guy’s been dying to forward this period.
Don’t you dare go to Glenn’s house this weekend. Wow, this is the best one. Even though it’s never been confirmed that anyone has had sex in space.
You hear that sentence? Even though it’s never been confirmed that anyone has had sex in space. Paul Root Wulp, a former NASA bioethicist, said everything on the walls of the space station is covered in Velcro. So you could take advantage of that by velcroing one partner to the wall.
Yeah. What was that problem? I don’t know. That sounds like it.
Oh, my God. It’s going to be a really awkward position shift. I mean, that’s not where my blood is going.
Oh, that’s better. So I’m glad we got you know, we’re we’re putting that we’re putting some brain power in there. We’re actually trying to solve that problem.
Is this going to be a problem? We go to Mars. Yeah, how much? Why is it a problem, though? Can it just be because how are we going to repopulate the galaxy? Oh, there’s a will or there’s a way for it’s a pervy PhD. So that’s right.
And the pervy PhDs will get us there. Let’s think about this for just one moment. I thought we had been Anna.
OK. All right. The sperm won’t like fly towards the egg, right? They’re going to be so confused.
They’ll be like, well, they’ll be like everywhere. They’ll be like, I don’t know which way. Like, where’s the mask? For the guys, you need to spin them vertically to get blood flow to the farthest out.
They’ve got to be upside down for the ladies. You have to spin them clockwise horizontally. So like the centrifugal force.
Oh, like a centrifuge. Yeah, I got centrifuge centrifuge them afterwards. So right after they finish.
Wow. You got to put her in. Yeah.
It’s got to stay inside. I’m not sure I’m going to claim this week’s part. We’re doing our duty for Mars.
Eric, you’re in it. You might as well. Well, you’re in it.
I was going to say you might as well jump in it, but that’s what the astronauts are going to have to face when they’re going to jump in it. If they don’t do the spin, it’s just going to be a mess up there. No, it’s interesting.
Could you imagine if you’re the one child that was produced in space? Oh, man. Muscle density would be trash. I’m telling you, I think that’s why they’re sending older astronauts.
Because you get an astronaut in his 30s, and he’s like, I’m going to be the first. I am going to be the first. You in? You want to? Let’s do it.
We’ll be the most famous couple on the history of Earth. That would be crazy. Crazy.
And NASA or SpaceX or whoever is going to see it all. I mean, they’ve got cameras everywhere and everything. NASA, Flight 202, could you please send up two janitors? You know, he’s got his helmet on, but at the critical moment, he’s raised a sun visor, and he’s giving a big thumbs up to Houston.
He’s like, he’s got to have a compression helmet, though, to keep the blood out of the head. He just crushes his head so that the blood goes down. You don’t think that’s hot? About as hot as his sleep apnea machine.
They’re like, their head’s crushed. Sleep apnea machine over his eye. The worst part we haven’t talked about is what Anna just showed.
The foreplay doesn’t look really rewarding. No, but, you know, I mean, we’ve all been, you know, you’ve all been deployed, right? For the good of humanity. I mean, is there going to be an Al Udeid 8 up in space? Oh, yeah.
Right? You know, at what point you got to get six months? You’re like, oh, you’re a… Sunny’s a solid 9 right now. Oh, God. She’s a low Earth orbit 10.
Oh, yeah. I mean, I’m not good. You got nine other guys up there, Jesus.
Yo, Mac, can you give me a hand? If you can get past that shriveled dick, this Velcro’s going to come into play here in a minute. It’ll be called space dick versus whiskey dick. Versus whiskey dick.
Anti-whiskey dick. You got the space dick. Oh, we got to make sure my mama doesn’t listen to this one.
Good Lord of mercy. Anna is going for space good conduct metal on this. Oh, man.
Oh, hell, yeah. It would be cool to be the one child that got produced in space. So would it be cool to be the first woman to be impregnated in space? That too.
Yeah. Was it fun? I mean, that is a good word. Well, I couldn’t fall down, but it was a body.
I’d give you shit. Like, Greece, you know how you said, do it for America or something? Do it for the space. Do it for the American.
Humanity. Do it for humanity. Yeah, you’d be remembered.
You’d be remembered forever. Yeah. And they’d be referring to you like, hey, do you want to pull an Anna on this orbit? And they’re like, okay.
Oh, my God. Instead of the mile high club you’ve got. Oh, you got the thousand mile high club.
Hell yeah. And look how fast you’re going while you do it. You spent set that record too.
Right. Yeah. That’s my mother.
That is fame that you will never touch. So somebody’s going to be the first. Is it going to be.
You think they’ll call back? Yeah. It was me, pal. Yep.
That was me. Yeah. I’m the first.
Oh, God. Yeah. Are you kidding? If the hot to a girl can get that much fame for that.
Oh, that’s a good point. The first person to do it or the first couple to do it in space. The hot to a girl.
But then. Mm hmm. No, I’m not even going to go there.
I don’t think this podcast is even lower in the crowd. What’s. What’s our.
What’s our daily military history? Because we’re. We are devolved. All right.
Well, then let’s. Let’s go back in time. Shall we.
In history. I’m going to take you back tonight. To a time.
A time. Oh. There’s a lot of setup.
How about 20 August of 1794? 1794. 1794. All right.
Crazy. The battle of fallen timbers. Oh, that sounds familiar.
Yeah, it doesn’t. But I have no idea what happened. All right.
So it’s. Some trees. Got my money on that.
So in the days of the early Republic, the US army suffered some of its most devastating defeats in its history. While the continental army of the war for independence. Farewell against the European style of tactics.
Employed by the British red coats. Particularly later in the war. The Indian warriors along with the American frontier.
Confounded. Many of the early Republic senior officers. To separate expeditions into the Northwest territory.
Led by Brigadier General Josiah Harmer. And general Arthur St clear. They were ambushed and nearly destroyed by Indians.
Primarily from the Miami tribe. With covert British support. So the threat in 1794.
Was the Indian threat. We’ve already. You know.
Beat the British. So eventually one senior American officer emerged to lead the army to victory. And in much of the threat posed to American settlers.
Northwest of the Ohio River. Major General Anthony Wayne. Who had already established himself as one of the premier American officers in the Continental Army.
Was given command of the army and led it once again into Indian territory. Under Wayne’s leadership. However the results were more were much different.
At the Battle of Fallen Timbers. In August of 1794. Near present day Toledo Ohio.
Wayne and his combined force of regulars and mounted Kentucky militia. Routed the Indians. And largely eliminated the Indian threat in the Northwest territory.
Oh nice. Nice. It was pretty big.
Yeah. Really? Pretty big. You’re really.
Okay. So I again. I wanted to go a little bigger than that Jake.
Let’s go a little bigger. A little bigger. Come on.
All right. So. Pretty big.
You could go into how long it took. But this the Indian threat was so huge. I mean the settlers.
Last of the Mohawkans. They were getting their asses killed. Yeah.
Wayne was like. What’s the guy’s name in Patriot? You know. He was Fort Wilderness.
Bloodied up the Indians. Yeah. That was him.
Or Heath Ledger. Heath Ledger. But Wayne took it to the Indians.
Took on these tactics. Developed new tactics to fight the Indians. Oh shit.
That’s good. You know their tactics weren’t just standing in line and shooting at each other. What was the date on that? 1794.
What was it? Let me see. 20 August. Yeah.
1794. 1794. Nice.
Yep. Okay. Battle of all of them.
Very good. Very good. Took you back a little ways this time.
Ana, did you have a comment? You looked like you were looking something up. I don’t know. Did they cart? I don’t know.
You’re still stuck on the space. The space sex. Aren’t you? I was just thinking.
Like, was it a true victory being met? I don’t know. Never mind. Oh, you’re talking about hiding two Americans.
Yep. Got them. Never mind.
Here it is. Should have been better. That’s a good point.
You know, you fought the people. Well, but who did they get it from? Right. They got it from.
They got it from a weaker Indian tribe. We got it from God. He gave us the strength.
That’s right. We were on a mission from God. And the rifle.
He gave us the rifle. And syphilis. All right.
Your assignment for next week is to come up with the first space venereal disease name. It’s literally an STD. Space transmitted disease.
Transmittable disease. You’re so creative, Jake. That was amazing.
The STD has a whole new connotation. I like it. And it floats around in space.
Floats around the inside of the cab. It’s centrifugal. That makes a new idea to the pink eye.
Oh, my God. This is floating. That’s quite the visual.
This guy’s coming out, cooking. Whatever he’s cooking. You float right in me.
Does somebody have sex in this capsule? Floated right into it. Oh, my God. Come on.
Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. We definitely reached it all.
We do know it’s sex. And there’s sex in space. Oh, I can’t wait to all your daughters watching this episode.
It feels very dangerous. Another dangerous hazard. Well, we could probably do a whole other hour on just space STDs ourselves.
But I think we should probably call it end up. What do you think? Eric, are we good? Eric, turn it all Protestant on us. How dare you talk about intercourse? These are true Americans.
No, it’s just slightly embarrassed. Can you believe it? I killed him for God. We only have the intercourse on Wednesday, Glenda.
You know that. But it’s our anniversary. I quit.
Glenda, I’ll make an exception. What is this grandpa voice you got going on? It’s all Eric. It’s Eric Paddell Bruni.
That’s my trusty voice. Oh, I don’t even know if I can finish this out. All stuffy pants.
Who’s there yet to help? I’m never going to space. Have those socks yet. I’m never going to space.
We can have the relations after we do the chores. I know that. So we went from space sex.
To 1790 sex. Just for Eric. Tell me another podcast that’s going to do that.
Yeah. We’ve spent three centuries joking about sex. That’s pretty damn good.
It’s been around a long time. Well, I’ll be half of all here. I’d like to thank you for listening today.
Please like, share, subscribe. Let us know how we get in the comments. And make sure that next week you are not lightly pretending to be over.
I love that voice. Veterans, thanks for all you do for the week. And to everyone listening and watching.
Thanks for watching and listening. We’ll see you next week. Whoo! See you guys.
That was fun. See you next week.